Bridesmaids and Groomsmen:
I always remind the groomsmen / bridesmaids to remove their sunglasses and remove any gum they may be chewing. I suggest that the groomsmen stand with their hands folded (i.e., left over right) in front of them — no hands in pockets! If certain groomsmen are to be ushers, suggest they place the palm of their hand on their "belly button," when escorting a woman to her seat. This positioning leaves room for the lady to insert her arm at the gentleman’s elbow. And, as silly as it sounds, tell the groomsmen and bridesmaids not to take pictures while standing up front during the ceremony. Also, have the bridesmaids and groomsmen clap their hands during the kiss and at other appropriate times. Lastly, remind your groomsmen and bridesmaids to smile while on duty. They are supposed to be having fun. Their enthusiasm is transmitted to your guests.

The Importance of Saying, "I do":
The vows are the most important part of the Christian wedding ceremony. If asking vows (i.e., declaration of intent), we listen for the words, "I do" or other such words of affirmation. If repeating vows, we listen for the words accepting the other as husband/wife. The ring vows are the most important part of the Jewish wedding ceremony. Again, we listen for the "Haray at" or wait for the couple’s affirmative action of moving their own ring from the right index finger to the ring finger of the left hand. California’s Family Code Section 420 (a) states "No particular form for the ceremony of marriage is required for solemnization of the marriage, but the parties shall declare, in the physical presence of the person solemnizing the marriage and necessary witnesses, that they take each other as husband and wife." When I recently posed the "proverbial question," to a bride, she responded — "I don’t know, I’ll think about it." She thought this was funny and many of the guests did laugh. I silently waited for what seemed to me to be an eternity. I felt that I could not proceed until she answered affirmatively. Finally the bride said, "yes." I now make it a habit to advise the bride and groom at the rehearsal (or prior to the ceremony) that we can have fun at the ceremony, but this is the one place in the ceremony governed by law, and we must take it seriously. Please, don’t put your officiant in this awkward position. Please respond appropriately.

Declaring Your Intent to Marry:
In a Christian ceremony there may be as few as one vow or as many as three vows, perhaps more. Typically, these vows consist of Asking Vows, Repeating Vows, Ring Vows, etc. California’s Family Code Section 420 (a) states "No particular form for the ceremony of marriage is required for solemnization of the marriage, but the parties shall declare, in the physical presence of the person solemnizing the marriage and necessary witnesses, that they take each other as husband and wife." The operative word that I wish to discuss is, "declare" (i.e., …but the parties shall declare….). Black’s Law Dictionary defines, "Declare":  (1) To make known, manifest or clear; (2) To signify, to show in any manner either by word or acts. The dictionary does give further definitions. On occasion, the bride, the groom or both will exchange Personal Vows — vows they have personally written and which vows each wishes to communicate to the other. These vows are written from the heart and without the aid of Black’s Law Dictionary or the Family Code in hand. In fact, the personal vows may not have been seen by the minister / officiant (i.e., not a good idea, but....). Had they been reviewed by the officiant, (s)he may not have wished to interject legal content. I recently officiated at a marriage where the bridal couple exchanged personally written vows. Without my mentioning legal content to the couple, I felt that both sets of Personal Vows met the intent and construct of the California Family Code. All was going along perfectly, until the groom started to say his personal vows. Through tears of joy, the groom chose to whisper his vows into the bride’s ear.  Even I, as the officiant standing but 2-feet in front of the bridal couple, could not hear a single word. And, most certainly, the witnesses (i.e., the best man and maid of honor) could not hear a single word. Question:  Did the presentation of the groom’s Personal Vows rise to the level required by Section 420(a) of the California Family Code? In my opinion, the presentation of the personal vows failed to meet the required standard. That is, in my opinion, the groom did not make known to the minister and necessary witnesses that he takes the bride as his wife. Although the groom knew that he was to speak his vows loudly for all to hear, it didn’t happen. In my case, we did not have a problem. I typically use both Asking and Repeating Vows. Whenever Personal Vows are introduced into one of my ceremonies, such vows generally replace the Repeating Vows section. And, although there are times when I may have only Asking or Repeating Vows, not both, I always have Asking Vows whenever Personal Vows are offered. This is the one time that having Asking Vows, in addition to the Personal Vows, paid off. As the bridal couple, I urge that you consider asking your officiant to review your Personal Vows in the context of the overall ceremony. As an officiant, you may consider preparing your ceremony to accommodate the situation discussed above.

Professional Vendors:
It is always nice to have your friends help out at your wedding, but .... Professional vendors will provide you with the assurance, support and expertise you require on this day. We have seen friends not show up or arrive with inadequate equipment. Friends may not be familiar with the wedding venue, special lighting conditions, for example the sun dropping behind a mountain or building earlier than expected, etc. We have worked wedding sites where there is no electricity and generators are required. Simply be certain that your vendors are prepared for the various contingencies that may occur. As ministers, there have been times when we need a light for our book, as the wedding has been sufficiently delayed while waiting for that special guest. We, of course, have the light.  In short, we strongly urge that you retain professional local vendors in the area of the ceremony site. We have always found that this works best for all concerned.

  This is a work in progress!